“Parts, not the whole”
30 Jan 2011 22 Comments
in Asperger's, Asperger's Syndrome, autism, gratitude Tags: Asperger's, Asperger's Syndrome, autism, gratefulness, gratitude, parts not the whole, prayer, steam engines, steam locomotives
“spinning things” and “parts, not the whole” part 2
Two phrases, “spinning things” and “parts, not the whole” are descriptive of how I often view physical objects, as well as how I often think. In my previous post (part 1) I discussed “spinning things” and “spinning thoughts.” Now in this post (part 2) I will discuss how “parts, not the whole” seems to apply to both things and thoughts in my life.
Parts not the whole: THINGS:
I go back to steam locomotives: I was always fixated on the wheels and the connecting rods. If I moved my gaze elsewhere it would be to briefly take in the swinging bell, jets of steam, or the waving crew, and then I would return to the wheels. I can spend several hours in a row viewing steam locomotives on YouTube, often watching the same one repeatedly with my eyes fixated on the spinning wheels and connecting rods! Again, diesels for me were just big moving boxes and not at all fascinating. Whereas all the moving parts of a steam locomotive were on display and grabbed my attention.
However, I did design and build the house I live in, and I did paint landscapes and still life when younger. And people told me my photographs were well composed. I could draw an entire steam locomotive in astonishing detail. So at some level, when it came to things, I was absorbing the whole, or composing parts into a whole. So there definitely are times when I do see the whole, even though my preference is for the parts (especially if they spin!).
Parts, not the whole: THOUGHTS:
This is a fictitious example of how, in my thoughts, I can focus on the parts, and not the whole, and thereby miss the big picture. Say my wife heats up some frozen macaroni in the microwave and some cheese spills onto the turntable, and she doesn’t clean it up for a couple of days. Well, that could really begin to irritate me (yes I know I could clean it myself — but it’s the principle! 
). That thought could spin round and round in my mind and get me feeling quite dissatisfied about my marriage! Meanwhile my wife is out getting the groceries, or she has accompanied me to a doctor’s appointment, or she is making my supper for the how many thousandth time after thirty-three years of marriage. But would I remember that BIG picture? No, I’d just focus on that little bit of cheese still sitting on the microwave turntable and let that negative thought go round and round and affect my satisfaction with my marriage. This focus on the part could put me in a very unpleasant mood. Ugh. 
Even though I know, at a deep level, that God or the Universe will continue to provide, I still can become quite anxious about the details. I have indulged in micro-planning the future, micro-managing the present, and micro-analyzing the past. But I am glad to see this tendency is decreasing (and so, I am sure, is my wife! 
).
The “whole” or the “big picture”:
As I mentioned above, my art was about the whole picture. And I have noticed that a new post seems to come to me as a whole unit, rather than as bits that I stick together. So there are times when my thoughts do encompass the whole. And there are times when I can catch and correct my thinking to encompass the big picture. This usually brings a feeling of relief, a sense of freedom from worrying about the parts, a sense of contentment and satisfaction. The big picture, I mean the really big picture of the gift of living in this magnificent universe, is quite amazing and refreshing. Gratitude and gratefulness are reliable practices that help me reverse my small-minded thinking.
Gratitude and gratefulness:
Chloe has a very helpful poem on being grateful here. She suggests that we stop and take a moment to think of something that warms our heart and be glad. I found the tension draining away as I read her poem and did that exercise. And I wrote about gratitude and gratefulness here. I wrote about finding reason to be grateful in the simple fact that our heart continues to beat and our breathing carries on without direction from us. And Lisa’s blog has many posts about taking negativity and “turning it upside down.” Taking time to pray, and heeding that still small voice within, can restore the big picture. These practices help redirect my thinking from the details to the big picture, from the part to the whole.
In conclusion:
In both my thoughts and in my physical world it is often only the parts that I dwell upon. They are the main attraction and easily distract me from the whole. Focussing my thoughts on the parts, rather than the whole, can generate anxiety and dissatisfaction. My habit is to focus on the parts but I do seem to be capable of seeing the whole. I am learning to remind myself to keep returning to the BIG picture.
Gratitude, gratefulness, and prayer are key practices for me. They help me stay positive. They cut off the anxious thought loops that fuss over details. They keep me aware of the magnificent whole, and that gives me a peace that passes understanding.
Thank you dear readers for visiting my blog. Blessings to you and yours.
Questions?
I may have misinterpreted or misapplied the idea of “parts, not the whole.” I learn a lot by reading comments here, and from posts and comments on friends’ blogs. So as usual I invite your comments. Is “parts, not the whole” an issue for you? What helps you move from dwelling on “parts” to appreciating the “whole”?
“Spinning things”
24 Jan 2011 14 Comments
in Asperger's, Asperger's Syndrome, autism Tags: Asperger's, Asperger's Syndrome, autism, obsessions, spinning things, steam engines, steam locomotives, thought loops, thought trains
“spinning things” and “parts, not the whole” part 1
When I first started exploring my possible place on the autism spectrum as an Aspie, I would encounter two phrases that I was not familiar with: “spinning things” and “parts, not the whole.” I had no idea what they meant. Then one day the thought of “steam locomotive” caused the light to go on as I recognized how these two phrases may apply to my life. I see them as descriptive of how I often view physical objects, as well as how I often think.
In this post I will discuss “spinning things” which includes thoughts as well. Then in my next post I hope to discuss “parts, not the whole.”
Spinning THINGS:
I was born in 1945, fifteen years before the end of steam locomotives in Canada. I grew up watching the big spinning wheels and reciprocating connecting rods on the steam locomotives that headed up every train. I recall that the large spoked driving wheels and the flashing connecting rods were my main point of focus. That is where my gaze rested as the huge locomotive thundered past, or coasted into the railway station. I paid only a little attention to the rest of the locomotive. All that action on the side where the big wheels were had me mesmerized.
At home I had toy or model trains to play with and I would lie on my side on the floor for hours and gaze at the wheels and connecting rods of my toy engines as they went round and round the oval track in my bedroom or in the recreation room in the basement. My engines actually made smoke and puffing noises in time with the rotating wheels and flashing connecting rods.
Take 55 seconds to see for yourself… turn the sound on..(sound starts at 6 seconds)…..
When I think of my peers, I realize that I had an unusually intense interest in steam locomotives. I knew all the various types and could run my models for hours at a time. When all the steam locomotives were replaced by diesels, I lost my interest in railways. The diesels always seemed like moving boxes with no action to watch.
And there were tops. Some even hummed.
However, I could draw from memory an entire steam locomotive in astonishing detail, down to bolts, rivets, builder’s plate, etc.. At some level I was absorbing the whole. I am able to see the whole, or the big picture. I just get very fascinated by the spinning bits. I spent several hours last night viewing steam locomotives on YouTube, often watching the same one repeatedly if it showed the spinning wheels and connecting rods!
Spinning THOUGHTS:
I have the habit of creating worlds in my mind that can keep me occupied for hours. Sometimes these scenarios are replays of actual social encounters and sometimes they are pure fiction inspired by something on a screen or just totally made up by me. I play the scenes over and over, often making subtle changes to effect a more pleasing outcome. I think I do this because these made-up encounters are almost always more enjoyable than those of my real life.
And then there are the purely negative thought loops that I know I should abandon but often I just don’t seem able to let go. It is almost as if there is a tendency to self-sabotage, or a reluctance to give up my “right” to be angry, depressed, sad, annoyed, etc., even though I know at some level that these thought loops are spoiling my day and my life, and possibly even turning me away from relationships.
My “worry or planning” thought loops go round and round exploring every conceivable outcome that may occur. I was particularly vulnerable to this when I was a child protection social worker. I would lie awake at three in the morning trying to figure out how best to help a child. I would get only three hours sleep per night. This was not sustainable, and I wrote about it here and here.
My spinning thoughts often still keep me awake at night. I have some success in stopping them by doing one or more of the following: praying, saying the Jesus Prayer, meditating, watching my breath, doing deep relaxation exercises, or reading. Listening to music may also work.
Conclusion:
My mind is fascinated by spinning things and occupied by thoughts that go round and round over the same issue with minor variations. I am learning to replace negative thoughts by positive ones, and to stop or redirect the thought loops, but it is, for me, a struggle that requires constant vigilance.
I am a beginner in my explorations of the Aspie/autie spectrum so I may have misinterpreted or misapplied the idea of spinning things. I learn a lot by reading comments here, and from posts and comments on friends’ blogs. So as usual I invite your comments.
In my next post I hope to write about my experiences with “parts, not the whole.”
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