24 Jul 2011
by Bruce (born 2b me)
in Asperger's, Asperger's Syndrome, autism, social conditioning
Tags: Asperger's, Asperger's Syndrome, autism, social conditioning
Social Conditioning
My parents (and teachers) expected, and pressured, me to succeed at a high level in the world of business or in a profession. I adopted that goal as a child. As a teen I was already drifting away from it, and by twenty (in 1965) I had completely abandoned any desire to succeed in the corporate world. Only a weak desire to pursue a profession remained. Instead, my goal was to build a sailboat, sail around the world, and then build a log home in the country where I would live happily ever after with the girl I would meet whilst sailing 
This change of plans came about because I had become very uncomfortable trying to fit into “normal” society and so wanted an alternative.
(btw, I met the girl before setting sail, and went straight to building the house in the country where we are still living happily thirty-four years later, and vicariously enjoying the adventures of our four adult kids and two grandkids).
Deeply ingrained “norm”
Nevertheless, that deeply programmed goal to be a success by “normal” standards kept nagging me in the back of my mind all the time. This meant that even if what I did was a spectacular success (such as designing and building my house, or publishing my Master’s thesis, or getting my paintings into art galleries), deep down I was still a failure in my own eyes. That nagging voice would tell me, “yes, but it isn’t at all like being a corporate CEO is it?”
My “abnormal” successes were devalued
I felt a failure because what I saw as my “own” success wasn’t really on the radar of “successful normal people” (who value making a lot of money and living in a mansion, becoming CEO of a bank, or being elected to public office, etc..) In fact, it seems that many neurotypical folk consider what I did as beneath their understanding and rather trivial. They don’t see the point. Neither did my own internal nagging voice, which kept reminding me that I didn’t make the grade.
Praise for my “normal” successes did not satisfy me
There were times when my job performance garnered much praise from employers. But these “rewards” were not truly satisfying to me because they were not directed at the real me, but rather at the actor whom I had become in order to try to “fit” in mainstream society. In short time I would tire of the sell-out of my soul, and I would run out of energy, and leave the position to go in search of the real me.
Using my autistic gifts
In designing/building, painting, and publishing, I was utilizing my own creative and intellectual talents. I may well not have had many of these talents if I weren’t Aspie/autie. So my very nature, autistic, seemed to me to be devalued by mainstream society. And hence I felt devalued also.
The exclusion of autism
And my other aspects of being autistic, such as being uncomfortable in groups, missing nonverbal cues, being repelled by bright lights and noise, needing time to think through a response, etc., — well, these cause me to avoid mainstream society, and seem to cause mainstreamers to think I’m weird and ought to be excluded in some way, or ignored.
Wanting to be accepted
So I wanted to be accepted, but the only standard I knew was that of mainstream, neurotypical society. And so I felt that I was a “failure” because I didn’t fit in there. I didn’t know that there were good reason for that. But now I understand why…
Coming home
Since realizing my Aspieness last year at
age sixty-five, I am rapidly weaning myself away from caring at all
about being “successful” in the eyes of normal society.
Now that I understand my Aspie/autie nature, I have finally found reason to give that nagging voice, which all these years accused me of failing because I wasn’t a CEO, a very swift boot out the back door of my mind.
Freedom
I will live what’s left of my life on my own terms.*
And I will judge my success by my own internal standards –
did I design a good house? Yes. Then, YAY for ME!!
And YAY! for all of us beautiful Aspie/auties!
And YAY! for each of our accomplishments, whether large or small. We can be proud of them all!
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*Being retired means I don’t have to cope with the workplace, or seek employment, or try to fit in with my fellow students, or find a life partner, or meet with school officials, or any of the other challenges facing younger people. So it’s a lot easier for me to say I’m not going to concern myself with what “they” think. But I would hope, if I had my life to live over, that I would really be a lot less concerned than I was! And that I would let my gifts lead me on the best path for me. I think I would have a much better chance of being true to myself now that I am aware of my Asperger’s/autism.
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This post was inspired by thoughty autie’s posts, “On being myself” and “Unfixing”, and by Laura’s post, “You are the first one to hear what you say.” and by Grayson’s post, “Breakthrough,” and by the comments on those posts, and by many, many other posts/comments I have read over the past eleven months as well. My “Thanks” to all of you!
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Edit: This post was revised on July 28, 2011.
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01 May 2011
by Bruce (born 2b me)
in Asperger's, autism
Tags: Asperger's, Asperger's Syndrome, autism, expectations, gratefulness, integrity, loneliness, masks, social conditioning, who am I?
Image via Wikipedia
I decided to copy to this blog, just for the record, a comment I made today on Lisa’s blog. One of the reasons I blog here is so that my children may some day get some insight into what life is like for this Aspie, so they can read and say, “So that explains it!” And so if I put a comment elsewhere that reveals a bit of what life is like for me, I may copy it onto this blog for future reference.
So here is what I wrote in response to Lisa’s question (for the full story, and the valuable insights of others, please see Lisa’s original post and the comments):
……………………………………………………..
“Hi Lisa,
I can sure relate to what you are saying here. It seems that you have described my own experiences.
I get so impacted by the feelings of others, and by their interpretation of the reality at hand, that I take on their stance and doubt my own gut instincts. This, I think, is because I have been made to feel “wrong” for so much of my life that I automatically doubt my own beliefs when contradicted or challenged.
I have to be very careful about what I watch on the screen. If someone is hurt or upset, that can impact me for weeks as it play over in my mind. A couple of weeks ago I finally watched Braveheart after avoiding it for years because I had heard there was violence in it. 
Well, I shouldn’t have watched. When the girl is killed by the Magistrate – well two weeks later I still feel sick and hollow inside. So filtering what I expose myself to is absolutely essential, and that would of course include people as well as DVD’s.
I often lie awake playing interactions over in my mind. One way I have found to get some peace is to repeat a phrase over in my mind, such as a bible verse or mantra, to displace the thoughts. Also I try to concentrate on (focus on) my breath so that my mind calms due to the effort needed to stay focused on my breath. But often my mind is in such a buzz that I simply cannot distract it, and so I spend hours tossing and turning while my mind spins.
I find expressing gratitude for what is, including me as I am and my life as it is, helps me centre and settle and calm.
And I remember that the same people who have convinced me that I was wrong in the past have often proven to be wrong themselves. This gives me more confidence in my own judgement. But often I forget to remember, and so get undermined again in the present situation.
But I have no sure-fire method. I am only learning to play this Aspie game, and I am so grateful to you and others who post and comment. I have learned all I know here in Aspie Bloggyland and I am greatly encouraged here and look forward to more growth.
And that is something to be grateful for and something that helps me to centre more, and trust myself more – the fact that there is growth! I can see the growth in you through your blog, and I can feel it in myself. And that is such an encouragement.
Love and hugs and blessings,
Bruce
P.S.
I often find it hard to know what to do or what to believe. I seem to have a lot of self-doubt. I think this is because I really want to connect, and am willing to bend my guts in order to do so.
But the flip side to this coin is that I can be extremely stubborn, and stick to my own view, and essentially tell the world to shove it. I can simply close myself off to others and they have no access to me at all. This is what I did to my parents when I was in my teens.
This, I think, is a form of self-preservation. If I can’t connect without betraying myself, I put up an insurmountable wall.
So the pendulum can swing from being play-doh in the hands of others, to being a sharp-edged chunk of steel reinforced concrete.”
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Hmm…. Play-Doh vs. Braveheart! The movie of my life… hah!
Please visit Lisa’s blog (linked above) to benefit from the full discussion. (that’s not to say your comment wouldn’t be appreciated here, also, if you feel so inclined )
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23 Feb 2011
by Bruce (born 2b me)
in acceptance, don't know, gratitude, Love, opinion, social conditioning
Tags: acceptance, authenticity, basic goodness, beliefs, belonging, certainty, community, don't know, expectations, gratefulness, gratitude, indoctrination, integrity, Love, search for truth, social conditioning, what's it all about?
I haven’t posted for a while so I thought I’d copy/paste one from my other, mostly inactive, blog. This was published there on May 25, 2010. It is primarily about religion, but applies to any groupings or divisions shaped and defined by words, such as ethnic, racial or political differences, sexual orientation, beliefs about educational philosophies, child rearing, debates about global warming, conservation, etc.. We are all in this mysterious thing called life. We need to pull together. Let’s let Love prevail.
Here’s my old post (slightly modified):
I have heard that there are well over two thousand Christian denominations and countless divisions in other religions too. And I ask what causes the divisions? Both within and between religions? Words. That’s it. Just words. And they are man-made words. Words thought up by (mostly) men. Human ideas about how it should be. People’s ideas about how they have it right and everyone else has it wrong.
These words cause “us-and-them” groupings and divisions. People gather around one set of words and take comfort in the false certainty that their words are “right” and others’ words are wrong, or at least mostly wrong. Then they get puffed up with pride in their superiority and feel they must defend and assert their “words” even at the cost of shunning the “others”, or even killing them. See the Inquisition, witch-burning, pogroms, suicide bombings, communist re-education camps,the KKK, the Holocaust, Rwanda,… just for starters.
But words are just symbols. They just stand for reality. They are not reality. The map is not the territory. Reality doesn’t change. Words do. We used to describe the world as flat. Everyone believed that. Now we describe it as a sphere, a ball. The world hasn’t changed but our words about it, and our beliefs, have changed a lot.
I can count on reality but I can’t count on words. Words are useful to the extent that they provide a predictive model that helps me prepare for what is coming next. But in the history of humankind the models have always required updating and improving as our understanding grew. Clinging to a model and defending it with one’s life betrays a lack of understanding of the tentativeness of models. Even worse is defending it by taking the lives of others.
There is an analogy from the East: words, dogmas, doctrines, beliefs, creeds, are seen as a finger pointing to the moon. The moon is Love. It’s the moon that matters. It’s the moon that is the object worthy of attention. It would be silly to stare at the finger (words), polish its nail, put a ring on it, worship it… all the while failing to notice the moon (Love)!
Now suppose there are six, eight or ten of us standing in a circle at night. We are each pointing a finger at the moon and at the same time we are each gnawing on our neighbour’s finger trying to destroy it, while at the same time trying to protect our own finger from the teeth of our other neighbour. Nobody has time to look at the moon (Love)!
Fingers (words, beliefs) will all age, wither and die.
Only the moon (Love) will remain!
Words, dogmas, doctrines , beliefs, creeds, will all age, wither and die (how many revisions have there been down through history?). Only Love will remain. Only Love is a constant.
And so with gratitude I will focus on Love. I will practice returning in gratefulness to Love whenever I wander or deviate from the path.
Love is a fire. May my divisive words be consumed by the fire of Love.
May Love abound. May Love flourish. May only Love remain.
May all beings everywhere be filled with Love.
I did a follow-up post later called “Bent fingers, Blind eyes.” It was about corrupt or misleading beliefs (crooked fingers) and about some people’s inability (blind eyes) to put even good beliefs into practice (inability to see the moon or Love). But perhaps that’s a post for another day. 
I hope this post isn’t divisive. I hope it fosters unification in Love. Let me know what you think.
20 Dec 2010
by Bruce (born 2b me)
in Asperger's, autism, masks, social conditioning, who am I ?
Tags: Asperger's, autism, integrity, loneliness, masks, social conditioning, who am I?
This post is actually a response to a question posed by Lisa on Alienhippy’s Blog. She asked us to share about “…the little you that is trapped inside. The one that you would really love to let out but can’t for whatever reason.” For Lisa it is symbolized by her “Shirley.” My response grew too big for a comment, so I thought I would post it here as a post.
Lisa, you really hit on the key here methinks! I have been thinking about who my “Shirley” might be all afternoon while I was out shopping. I have some likely candidates such as a steam locomotive engineer (driver), a medical researcher who offers compassionate care to his patients, or a landscape painter such as Camille Pissarro. But I can think of reasons why these would not have worked. Or perhaps I have left painting so far behind I can’t even imagine resurrecting it, and I am too old to study medicine.
So I go back to when I was not concerned about the opinions of others and I see a preschooler who would go up to the front of the streetcar (tram, trolley) and ask to ring the bell. When the motorman would say so, I would clang the trolley bell to warn cars or pedestrians. I loved being at the front clanging the bell.
Then when on a train I would walk up the aisle handing bits of torn paper to the passengers as their “tickets.” After everyone had a ticket I would go the length of the coach calling out “tickets please” just like the real conductor and I would collect all the bits of paper.
In first grade I was the class clown, doing Charlie Chaplin imitations and getting the kids laughing so hard.
Then my world went dark.
(Edit (2010/12/22): By “dark” I don’t necessarily mean depression. At first it was a sense of being different in some unnameable way, a bit weird, on the fringes, having ideas and enthusiasms and interests and passions that others did not share, being the creative non-conformist one, unable to connect as well as I would have liked, being told what I did and thought was wrong, etc.. Then in my early teens, over a split-up with a girlfriend, I began a journey into depression. But I did manage to weight-train and win my high school heavy-weight wrestling championship so the depression wasn’t so deep that it stopped me cold. There were definitely periods of time when I was paralysed by depression and I do remember those periods as very dark indeed.)
I remember going to a child psychiatrist at around six or seven years because I was a problem to my mother.
Contrast my little ticket collector with a young man in his teens who would ride in the vestibule at the end of the coach because he could not enter the coach with all those eyes looking at him. And who would not ask a girl out for eight years of his adolescence and young adulthood. And who saw his psychiatrist every Saturday morning at 11:00 am for six of those eight years, knowing something was very wrong with him but having no idea how to fix it. A long dark tunnel indeed.
Nobody knew of Asperger’s then. Nothing could adequately explain my life.
Happily there was light at the end of that tunnel. I married at 32 and am blessed with a lovely family.
But when working as a social worker, while raising my family, I would hide in my office on breaks and at lunch simply because I had absolutely no energy left with which to interact with my colleagues. I absolutely needed the downtime to recuperate. This prompted one of them to label me “The Invisible Worker” (was this a form of adult bullying??).
I can enter a coach now without problem so there has been healing of some sort. I still don’t like crowds or groups of people but I can handle them if absolutely necessary for brief periods of time. I always travel in my own car though because I just don’t like public transit.
But where did that little guy who joyously clanged the trolley bell go?
I began my blog “born 2b me” because I was searching for the real me behind the masks of social conformity. I wanted to meet the me that I was born to be, not the me that society shaped. I think this is why I so relate to your explorations, Lisa, on Alienhippy’s Blog. We seem to be on a similar quest.
After about 4 or 5 posts in July 2010 I gave up. Then I discovered Aspie blogs in August 2010 and had a huge quantum leap in self understanding. Asperger’s seemed to explain all the strange and unusual aspects of my history, in a way that nothing else ever had. So I started posting again at the end of September 2010 about my probable Asperger’s.
But as you say Lisa, it is not Asperger’s that keeps us trapped, it is our own fear of what others will think. How to get over that hurdle is Chapter Two of the saga. I’m glad I have you and other explorers to walk with on that path. I have noticed that since I identified with Asperger’s, I am less concerned about what others will think, and this has been liberating to a degree. I hope this sense of freedom and lessening concern will grow. So I don’t have a simple answer for how to get out of the trap, but I am trusting my ever-increasing understanding of my Asperger’s to help.
But I am still much too concerned. I can agonize over a phrase in a comment or post and find I can be quite tense when writing. But awareness of this is a step in the right direction. And I can get so uptight in some face to face encounters that I am virtually speechless! But I shall keep on keeping on!
Thank you so much Lisa for being such an inspiration. And thank you for all the laughs and giggles. Your willingness and ability to share your journey is a blessing to me and many others. Keep your lantern burning. It gives light to so many others.
(edit:2010/12/22: ’10 replaced by 2010)
10 Dec 2010
by Bruce (born 2b me)
in Asperger's, masks, social conditioning
Tags: acceptance, Asperger's, authenticity, integrity, masks, social conditioning
Coats, Masks and a Coincidence:
In the past few days both Clay and Laura have posted about the personae that people assume in order to face the social world. Laura describes these as the many coats she has worn, and Clay uses the analogy of masks. Coincidentally, a few days ago, I started my second reading of Lord of the Flies by William Golding. I first read it perhaps forty years ago and remember it as a book that made an impression, but I forget all the details and so it is like a fresh book to me. I asked my daughter at lunch today if Piggy survives, because I couldn’t remember. She told me, but I won’t mention her answer here so as to not spoil the book for anyone who hasn’t read it, or who, like me, read it years ago and has forgotten the details.
Masks and a Pig:
I am less than one-third of the way through the book. I stopped last night where Jack has just killed a pig for the first time. He found it helpful to paint his face for the hunt . I am guessing the paint makes it easier to let out the more vicious side of himself, or maybe it actually generates a new and more vicious character. Perhaps the mask gives Jack the courage or confidence for the slaughter. I am also guessing that masks will enable the other boys to step out of their ingrained roles of decent behaviour. In other words, they will switch masks.
The Script:
Perhaps for all of us the wearing of a mask enables us to step into various roles in society without having to consciously work out what would be the appropriate behaviour for the circumstances. We just go on autopilot with the expected role. We don’t have to make moral, ethical, or any other, judgements. The down side of that is that we live out the life of someone else. We perform according to the script that was handed to us. We meet society’s expectations, often at the cost of our own. For many Aspies, I suspect the conflict between their own values and those of the larger society creates enough stress to drive them out of the role. They refuse to wear the mask. They won’t play the game.
The Emperor has no Clothes:
From my own experience, I would speculate that Aspies may tend to be nonconformists. I would often prefer a different way to the group, or see through things that the group ignored, whether that group was a few people or the larger society. This was in spite of wanting to be accepted. Sometimes that different way caused me considerable effort or pain; the effort of building my own house, the pain of being an outsider. I often did not conform to many of the role expectations of society. Or I simply did not understand what the expectations were. And when I tried to conform (for example, as a social worker) I burned out! So I often stood on the sidelines shaking my head, just as Piggy does in Lord of the Flies.
Piggy:
Which gets me to my conclusion: I am suspecting that Piggy is an Aspie. So far in the book, I have seen him think things through to their logical conclusion better than anyone else. He is least subject to group-think, and doesn’t run off with half-baked plans. He seems quite sensitive and considerate of others and has a strong sense of fairness. He seeks order, both in time (sundials) and in the conduct of meetings. He values and promotes respect. He is without guile. He steers by an inner compass rather than drifting with the group. I am guessing that he will resist painting his face.
I am a slow reader. I sound out each word as if I were speaking at a normal conversational pace. I can’t rush it. So I have a while to go before I know if my hunch about Piggy is correct, and before I see how this bit about face-paint masks plays out. I may be the only one in Aspie Bloggyland* who doesn’t know!
* “Bloggyland,” a word I love, is Lisa’s term, as far as I know (just to give credit where it is due).
10 Nov 2010
by Bruce (born 2b me)
in acceptance, Asperger's, autism, social conditioning
Tags: acceptance, Asperger's, autism, belonging, conformity, expectations, masks, social conditioning
I was composing a comment on Laura’s blog in response to her post on the relief she experienced in finding an understanding developmental pediatrician. I am so glad she found someone who is sensitive and open. But the comment got long enough that I decided to use it instead as a post on my own blog! It’s a topic that gets me rather worked up and I think it deserves an actual post here.
As a retired adult I have run into rejection of my Aspieness by two professionals who may not have a full understanding of Asperger’s, and who also see me appearing as a competent intelligent person in their offices. If only they knew the huge strain it takes to pull off that act!
One of those professionals is my kind family physician who, even though she thinks I don’t have Asperger’s, is willing to make a referral for a formal assessment if I want one. And she respects my self assessment, even if she doesn’t see it at this point. She gives me the impression that she has an open mind on the issue.
I am so glad to have found your blog Laura, and those of others in the community, because I can read what you all say about your lives and I can make a mental checklist…. yup, that’s me…yup, that’s me… right down the list. It astonishes me how you all know so much about “me”.
I think when I have a couple of dozen posts on my blog I should print them out and hand them as a package to these two professionals. It would be an eye opener for them I am sure. They have no idea what is hidden behind my facade of competence. It is hidden because I have trouble organizing and expressing thoughts, and remembering my past, on the spur of the moment, such as when I am face-to-face with professionals. And I have learned to stuff my emotions. I put on a really good act, not just out of habit but also because I have been at it so long that I can no longer cry or pound my fist in public. I’m a very “appropriate”, “cooperative” and “together” person. In short, I allowed the system to beat me into conformity. It suits their needs.
But now that I have found my tribe and my voice, those days are over!! Thank you Aspie bloggers!
08 Oct 2010
by Bruce (born 2b me)
in Asperger's, autism, social conditioning
Tags: Asperger's, autism, expectations, parenting, social conditioning
Parental expectations can make or break some kids. When I was in school in the 1950′s and early 1960′s my mother had great social ambitions for me. She wanted to see me in the executive suites of a large corporation or at least in a profession that paid well. She was always asking me why I didn’t join in more and be more sociable, more “outgoing”. She had my best interests at heart. But this disconnect with who I really was did nothing but undermine what little self-confidence I had. Nobody was talking about Asperger’s back then so I don’t hold it against her in any way.
My Dad was often disappointed in my report card. If a subject interested me I had no problem getting an A without any effort. But if a subject bored me I would retreat into my inner world and dream of my interests. I think my difficulties with boring subjects was due to what today they may call “poor executive function”. It has always been difficult for me to get organized and to push myself to complete boring projects. On the other hand, if something grabs my interest I have great difficulty letting go; my attention and focus are totally hooked and I will be absorbed for hours without any sense of time passing at all. Hence I never had any time left for my boring subjects. My father found it frustrating that I got A’s so easily in some subjects and did so poorly in others. But then he hadn’t heard of Asperger’s either so I don’t fault him at all.
So parental disappointment over who I was and how I performed left me feeling that I was a failure deep inside. The net result was a combination of dropping out (I planned to build a boat and sail around the world) and of burning myself out trying to pass for sociable and functional in the neurotypical work world.
It is only recently, in my 60′s, that I have discovered Asperger’s/autism. That seems to explain my life so well that I now self-identify as on the autistic spectrum as an Aspie. That has given me permission to let go of the demands to be sociable and functional. I now do what I can and accept my need for retreating from overly stimulating situations. Having a reason for all the quirks and quarks of my unusual life has given me a tremendous boost in self-respect. Understanding how and why things happened the way they did is very liberating. I now have a community, besides my family, with which I can identify.
I am so glad that Asperger’s/autism is getting so much publicity. Modern parents will be better equipped to understand their children’s minds and manners and they will hopefully be more open to cultivating the child’s natural gifts, as well as supporting, working around or simply accepting their difficulties. Above all, the children will be more likely to be loved for who they are just as they are. What a healthy, happy way to grow up!
A really refreshing account of identifying and nourishing a child’s gifts and strengths was posted by Laura yesterday. She talks of these gifts and talents as little acorns which, if nourished, will grow to be mighty oaks.
So parents: there is nothing wrong with being on the spectrum. Please accept your kids for who they are and let them know they are precious. Create a safe and nourishing environment and their little acorns will sprout.
22 Jul 2010
by Bruce (born 2b me)
in masks, programming, questioning, social conditioning
Tags: beliefs, Christianity, indoctrination, masks, questions, social conditioning, who am I?, Zen
There is a Zen koan: What was my face before I was born? (or even before I was conceived!).
Who am I before I ever put on my first mask?
Can I peel away the many layers of conditioning and programming and beliefs and “certainties” accrued over the decades from parents, teachers, Sunday School teachers, camp counsellors, advertising, sermons, politicians, spiritual teachers, books, TV, movies, friends, etc.? Peer pressure and the demands to conform at work and play, often require the donning of particular masks; the adopting of “certainties”, beliefs. They build up layer after layer over the years, much like bricks being cemented into a wall. The wall grows thick and tall and immoveable. How does one demolish it?
There are various systems of inquiry, such as The Work of Byron Katie and The Option Method of the Kaufman’s, that tackle the belief edifice one brick at a time. Each belief is thoroughly questioned, examined, challenged. This would seem a long and tedious process, but I am sure the demolition proceeds at an ever-increasing rate as the knowledge gained from seeing through one belief generalizes to the next. Freedom is the aim.
Jesus taught (Luke 17:33):
“Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it”
Paul added (Eph 4:21b-24 tev):
“…you were taught the truth that is in Jesus. So get rid of your old self, which made you live as you used to – the old self that was being destroyed by its deceitful desires. Your hearts and minds must be made completely new, and you must put on the new self, which is created in God’s likeness and reveals itself in the true life that is upright and holy.”
So Christianity also realizes that the old self, the deceitful masked one, must go.
And then there is Rinzai Zen of Japan, to which I was introduced by Philip Kapleau in ’69 or ’70. To over simplify, it’s a non-verbal approach. After much sitting and work on koans (to get one unstuck from one’s discriminating mind) a well-timed whack on the head by the Master liberates the seeker into a moment of Satori or even Enlightenment!
Yes, I want to meet my “face before I was born” because I know it is the same face I will meet on my deathbed (if I should be sufficiently conscious), a face stripped clean, a face with no mask.
Why not meet that face now and enjoy its unpretentious company for the remainder of my life?
I was “Born 2B Me“, not a mask.
It is time I met this “Me“.
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