Born 2b me

The Joys of Socializing

04 Nov 2010 12 Comments

by Bruce (born 2b me) in Asperger's, autism Tags: Asperger's, autism, Brain Fog, burnout, eyes, glare, memory, noise, sensitivity, sensory overload

The joys of socializing were experienced by me again yesterday and I was reminded of why, even though I enjoy it in small doses, I make sure the doses are few and far between.

First of all I would like to say that, contrary to comedic stereotypes, my mother-in-law has always been kind to me and I have no problems with her as a person. Secondly, I post this not in search of sympathy, and not to complain, but to document my life on the autism spectrum. I hope such documentation may be of help to others, as I have benefitted so much from the blogs of my fellow autistics/Aspergians who have shared their lives. 

Yesterday my wife and I visited my mother-in-law, who lives about a one-and-a-half hour drive away. My wife drove. There was a short visit and then my wife and her mother went out to do some grocery shopping while I walked for some exercise.

After they returned there was some more socializing in the living room. The low sun was shining into the room from over my shoulder as I sat with my back to a large window. The bright sunlight was hitting my mother-in-law’s white slacks. The dazzling sparkling glare was so penetrating and painful to my eyes that I put on my sunglasses. My mother-in-law asked if I could see in the room with my sunglasses on. I assured her that I could see just fine and attempted to explain about the glare from the sun. I quickly realized that my explanation was being met with polite incomprehension and possibly the feeling that I was nuts. 

The radio was playing classical music fairly loudly in the next room. My wife was yelling in order to converse with her partially deaf mother. The pain in my ears was unbearable. I considered going back outside to walk some more but rejected that idea as rude since there had been so little social time with my mother-in-law. I picked up my backpack and retrieved my earplugs. I held them in my hand and thought of inserting them in my ears to gain some relief. I vacillated several times and returned the plugs to my pack as I did not want to appear rude.

On the drive home, to shield my eyes from the low sun, I tied my scarf over my sunglasses like a blindfold (as I said, my wife was driving ). I commented to my wife that I felt so very tired.

The sensory overload from sight and sound had drained my brain. Later in the evening, when I tried to put some comments on friend’s blogs and reply to comments on my blog, I found that I just couldn’t think. It was as if my brain was mush. When I was diagnosed in 1993 with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome I learned that this was called “Brain Fog.” Writing was really difficult. I managed to write a couple of brief comments or replies, if I remember correctly.  I noticed that Rachel and Laura had each posted on the “cure” but my brain could not remember from the beginning of one paragraph to the end, so I couldn’t follow their well written arguments. So I decided not to comment at all on the “cure” (partly because, being new to the community, I am not up on the issues, and partly because I was struggling so much with my thinking and writing).

So now it is almost twenty-four hours later and my brain is still somewhat foggy. I probably shouldn’t be writing. I am still tired and feeling rather numb in the head, although I am on the mend. I got a phone call from my doctor’s receptionist this afternoon reminding me that I have an appointment on Monday. This took me by surprise as my brain supplied no memory of an upcoming appointment. The receptionist then told me that I had made the appointment for the purpose of getting my memory tested! Good grief!

So was it all worth it? Yes, it was nice to see my mother-in-law and to have an outing with my wife. But I don’t think I’ll do it again tomorrow. At least not until the fog lifts.